I need you to do something for me. Actually, it's two things. Go to the store (try Giant Eagle first) and get some Diet Orange Crush. Find a room somewhere (preferably with some soundproofing) and drink some. You'll probably want a cigarette afterward. Right?!? I KNOW!
It's just as good as the regular Orange Crush, without the sugar, carbohydrates and calories. This is my opinion and, in the words of Craig Ferguson, I await your cards and letters. There's really only one thing better, and I think you know what it is. GRAPE CRUSH! The beverage of choice for 5-year-old boys who have just had their tonsils removed and grow up to play the piano. The reward of choice that sits in the back of the refrigerator, waiting for 23-year-old clinicians for Moog Music who are losing weight by not eating any carbs way before it was popular to not eat any carbs to lose weight. Purple ambrosia in a 16-oz. glass bottle with stylized frost etched into the sides. But I digress.
Okay, it's three things: the buying, the drinking, and this:
Go to crushsoda.com. Enjoy the diversions the corporation has so thoughtfully provided (as of this date, I'm presented with the opportunity to meet Cody Simpson; say it with me - "Who?"). At the bottom of the page, click on "Contact Us". Fill out the information, and in the "Comments" box, feel free to copy and paste this:
I'm a cool and groovy person, and I think the world would be an infinitely better place if you guys made Diet Grape Crush. The Diet Orange Crush is quite good, and you are to be applauded for your efforts. The presentation of Diet Grape Crush would result in ridiculous profits for you, and happy consumers everywhere. Nobody loses, everybody wins, what's not to like? I thank you for your time.
Comment early and often. In my lifetime, I want to once again be that 5-year-old boy, anticipating that grapey goodness that hits the back of your tonsilless throat like a shout. On other words - do it for the children.
It's just as good as the regular Orange Crush, without the sugar, carbohydrates and calories. This is my opinion and, in the words of Craig Ferguson, I await your cards and letters. There's really only one thing better, and I think you know what it is. GRAPE CRUSH! The beverage of choice for 5-year-old boys who have just had their tonsils removed and grow up to play the piano. The reward of choice that sits in the back of the refrigerator, waiting for 23-year-old clinicians for Moog Music who are losing weight by not eating any carbs way before it was popular to not eat any carbs to lose weight. Purple ambrosia in a 16-oz. glass bottle with stylized frost etched into the sides. But I digress.
Okay, it's three things: the buying, the drinking, and this:
Go to crushsoda.com. Enjoy the diversions the corporation has so thoughtfully provided (as of this date, I'm presented with the opportunity to meet Cody Simpson; say it with me - "Who?"). At the bottom of the page, click on "Contact Us". Fill out the information, and in the "Comments" box, feel free to copy and paste this:
I'm a cool and groovy person, and I think the world would be an infinitely better place if you guys made Diet Grape Crush. The Diet Orange Crush is quite good, and you are to be applauded for your efforts. The presentation of Diet Grape Crush would result in ridiculous profits for you, and happy consumers everywhere. Nobody loses, everybody wins, what's not to like? I thank you for your time.
Comment early and often. In my lifetime, I want to once again be that 5-year-old boy, anticipating that grapey goodness that hits the back of your tonsilless throat like a shout. On other words - do it for the children.
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