So, according to the calendar, it's been !!**SPRING**!! for something like 72 hours now, and the social media have been saturated with comments about how it's the end of days, and how this is global warming at its worst, and it seems to be mostly That Guy's fault, and isn't it terrible that places that get snow have to put up with all this.

Come. On.

Climate (which is the big picture - "weather" is what's happening outside your window right now) is a continuum, which is a word that can be used outside of "Star Trek - the Next Generation" episodes. Things change over time. There's isn't a switch somewhere that activates instant lilies, butterflies and bunny rabbits. Things change over time.

And I think that's what we want, or what we should want. I tell my students to examine every conceivable parameter of each piece they perform, and ask themselves if a given parameter is presenting an appropriate amount of variety. You know - the thing that keeps the listener's interest. The spice of life.

In music, the thing that doesn't change is the thing that doesn't get noticed. Dynamics, tessitura, timbre, texture - these are all parameters that must change to be recognized and appreciated.

Which leads me to a elderly woman I met in a clothing store on Coronado Island several years ago who, when hearing I was from Ohio, immediately said, "Oh, our worst weather is better than your best weather." Think about that for a minute. The average temperature on Coronado Island is 70 degrees, and the average rainfall is 10 inches (or as coronadovisitorcenter.com puts it, only 10 inches a year). That's not weather. This is the climatic equivalent of proudly saying, "I've had an ice cream sundae for dinner every day for the last sixty-eight years!" After about 3 weeks, I'd prostitute myself for some clam chowder.

Climate seems to be one of the few parameters in life where it's acceptable, or even desirable, to have bland every day. I don't think I'd want that. I've traveled a lot for business, and been to many places that were enjoying extreme weather conditions while I was there. Everyone seems more alive when the weather is extreme - hot or cold, rain or drought, hurricane or stagnation.

So I think the nattering nabobs of climate negativism are actually craving variety - which is why we'll hear the same complaints in the middle of August. Many studies say that, when global warming/climate change really settles in, the Great Lakes area will have the "best weather" in the country. I'm not sure I would look forward to that. Things change over time. That's how we know we're alive and living.

I can't resist; in the sublime words of Frank Loesser -
Yes, time heals all things, so I needn't cling to this fear - it's merely that spring will be a little late this year.

I need you to do something for me. Actually, it's two things. Go to the store (try Giant Eagle first) and get some Diet Orange Crush. Find a room somewhere (preferably with some soundproofing) and drink some. You'll probably want a cigarette afterward. Right?!? I KNOW!

It's just as good as the regular Orange Crush, without the sugar, carbohydrates and calories. This is my opinion and, in the words of Craig Ferguson, I await your cards and letters. There's really only one thing better, and I think you know what it is. GRAPE CRUSH! The beverage of choice for 5-year-old boys who have just had their tonsils removed and grow up to play the piano. The reward of choice that sits in the back of the refrigerator, waiting for 23-year-old clinicians for Moog Music who are losing weight by not eating any carbs way before it was popular to not eat any carbs to lose weight. Purple ambrosia in a 16-oz. glass bottle with stylized frost etched into the sides. But I digress.

Okay, it's three things: the buying, the drinking, and this:

Go to crushsoda.com. Enjoy the diversions the corporation has so thoughtfully provided (as of this date, I'm presented with the opportunity to meet Cody Simpson; say it with me - "Who?"). At the bottom of the page, click on "Contact Us". Fill out the information, and in the "Comments" box, feel free to copy and paste this:

I'm a cool and groovy person, and I think the world would be an infinitely better place if you guys made Diet Grape Crush. The Diet Orange Crush is quite good, and you are to be applauded for your efforts. The presentation of Diet Grape Crush would result in ridiculous profits for you, and happy consumers everywhere. Nobody loses, everybody wins, what's not to like? I thank you for your time.

Comment early and often. In my lifetime, I want to once again be that 5-year-old boy, anticipating that grapey goodness that hits the back of your tonsilless throat like a shout. On other words - do it for the children.